Day: March 17, 2019

The Restaurant

It’s a family outing! Gram, my parents, my siblings and I all meet up at the newest restaurant in Oasis Springs, already decorated for the upcoming Romance Day. It shows off an impressive menu, including quite a few dishes from Selvadorada that only mom and I dare touch.

The food is pretty good, the moment is amazing, and to Mom’s surprise and delight, we run into her friend Marie and her youngest kid, who’s about the twins’ age. She looks much nicer than the only one of Charlotte and Shanna’s kids I know, whatever her name is.

Making Up

“Hannah, do you have a minute?”

She looks nervous and doesn’t really wait for me to confirm I have a minute. Before I’ve even dropped my tools, she continues.

“You think we’re hiding something because we don’t trust you to know. But it’s not that!”

“Gram…”

“Let me finish. It’s old stories. We all learned them, we all lived by them, me and the generations before me. But once she knows about it, every heir is trapped. Every decision she makes is tainted.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“You’re free if you don’t know. You, and your children, too. And I don’t want to be the one to take that away from you.”

And she really looks in pain. And you know what, I don’t want to be mad at her. So I reassure her. It’s okay. I don’t expect her to tell me more.

I’ll just have to learn on my own.

Wedge

“No, Mom, Gram and I are not mad at each other.”

“She said you’re barely speaking!”

“She’s the one who doesn’t want to speak.”

“…”

“Look we’re just not doing everything together. No one’s mad.”

“Okay, Hannah. Just… Remember Naomi is doing her best. She lived through a lot.”

“Mom, she said… Do you think you could…”

“I have to go, Hannah. Be kind to grandma please.”

A Door Closes

“It’s just not for me to tell you,” she answers. “It’s up to your mother. It’s always up to the person that came before. I already crossed a line by telling your mother when her mother didn’t want to. I’m sorry, Hannah, I’m not doing it again. Maybe it’s time the story dies. Maybe it’s safer. But it’s just not up to me anymore.”

There’s nothing else to say at this point, so we don’t. We just leave.

And the door closes on the silent lanai.

On the Lanai

Gram has been here for a few weeks now, and it has been amazing. We were always close, but now our bond has blossomed, and I understand how she became such an important mother figure for two generations of Stewarts before me.

But the longer she’s been here, the more I’ve had this idea, buzzing in a corner of my mind, that maybe now would be the time when she opens up. So one evening, as we’re hanging on the lanai, I take a leap and ask her what I need to know about the older Stewarts generations.

… And she shuts me down instantly.

I can’t say I didn’t expect it, but it still hurts.

Gram, please. I’m an adult, you’ve told Mom, it makes no sense to keep secrets.

They’re all dead anyway, and all you’re doing is hurting me.

Don’t you trust me enough to share?

Don’t you see that I can’t trust you if you won’t tell me?