Innocence incarnate.
I wish I knew what brought R2-D2 to swim with her imaginary fishes, but she insists that’s how her story goes.
Innocence
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Naomi’s Help
‘Azalea?’
‘Come here, baby, you know I’ll always take care of you.’
I know she will. Grandma is more in tune with a body’s wellness than any other sim I’ve met. She says she can help me relax with a massage; and for the duration of the massage, it works. The pressure on the right nerves, the motherly touch of my grandmother, the relaxing view over the San Myshuno Bay…
For the first time in weeks, I feel content, almost happy.
But it doesn’t last.
Telling Naomi
Grandma insists on spending the afternoon with us. Begrudgingly, we agree. And she finds herself, quite literally, stuck in the middle.
Her attempts at making us talk to each other fail, one after the other, and when she tries to invite us to cool off by taking a deep, freeing breath, we both sigh in exasperation.
Which leaves Grandma frustrated, and annoyed.
I give in, and finally explain to her why it won’t be so easy as taking a deep breath.
I tell her everything.
To Hugo’s dismay. He argues that this is nothing to concern Grandma, that it is our business only.
He’s not completely wrong.
I see Grandma’s face drop, and my pain mirrored in her eyes, and I suddenly wish I could take it all back, put on a better act, and never put this burden on our matriarch’s shoulders.
But I can’t, and she wouldn’t want me to.
Visit from Grandma
Grandma comes to visit us, for the first time in a while. She didn’t know either. She expects the joyful family she’s used to.
It takes her half a minute to know that something’s wrong. She’s practically raised three generations of Stewarts women, she can read me like an open book.
I tell her that Hugo and I haven’t been at our best lately.
Hugo isn’t even paying attention to our conversation. He is only in the same room as us because Hannah heard her great-grandma’s voice and ran to the entrance.
He hears his name and vaguely looks up, but can’t bring himself to look me or Grandma in the eyes.
“You see what I mean?”
She does. And she isn’t going to just let it pass.
Our One Joy
It’s a weird time.
Before, Hugo and I could barely ever be seen one without the other. Now? It’s almost as if we avoid each other.
Hugo was never the most dynamic, but he was always willing to go outside and do things. Now, when Hannah’s being looked after, he retreats somewhere, and loses himself in thought. Or he sleeps, a lot. He hasn’t streamed anything in weeks.
It’s not just on him, though. I don’t know if it’s Hugo I flee as much as the apartment, but I, on the contrary, am always outside. I take up my morning joggings again, but they’re not as relaxing as they once were. The San Myshuno Uptown is not exactly a nurturing environment.
But there is one thing that we both agree on and that has us gravitate towards each other, towards the life and the remnants of joy in our apartment.
Hannah.
The Uptown feels so… empty.
Hannah is our little angel. She’s an independent little one, content with diving into the worlds in her little toddler books. She always wants more, she always imagines more.
My happy Hannah.
She’s as cuddly as ever.
I’m lucky she’s there.
Above It All
Hugo spends most of his time alone…
It Happened Again
We had forgotten that risk.
Dizzy with how easy it was to bring Hannah into the world, how free of misery, how reassuring the doctor had been, and how beautifully perfect everything had been…
We got confident. And surprised, all over again, when everything went wrong.
We hadn’t told Hannah yet about the sibling she would have, and it was a blessing — we didn’t have to tell her they would never come.
She did pick up on our emotional cues. Children tend to do that. She was more easily angry and generally harder to take care of. As if she wanted to regain some of our attention. But there was only so much we could do. We were temporarily joined by a nanny Hannah unfortunately disliked, to try and help us with the immense load.
For the first time in years, I went back to my diary, and stained it with rivers of tears.
Hugo now spent most of his days hiding in the bed.
We barely ever talked.
Yoga
The daily yoga makes it easier to remain calm with Hannah.
Sometimes, she joins, and I think it does her good too.
Little Terror
Hannah is a peach, but like any kid, she has her bad days.
And her bad days can get terrifying.
Even then I want her to understand that what I feel for her is never more anger than it is love.
Sometimes I wonder if the feeling is mutual…
But I’m always sure I love explaining the problem to her more than getting angry. My grandma raised us all to teach with our heart, and I want to pass that on.
Learning to Speak
Hannah’s got pretty good vocabulary already, but she’s committed to learning more.
We’re both looking forward to the days when we’ll hope she just stops talking.
Her and her sibling, who’s currently busy making me hate my morning toast.
The Stewarts Family (and other shenanigans) 